romper and kimono Cotton On • sandals Grendha

Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen

in a different order than the one you have in mind.

-- David G. Allen

I attended service today and I don't know if it was just coincidence that the topic revolved in giving generously which, I believe and in my personal experience, goes side by side with patience. I felt that every single word pierced my heart and at the same time, I also felt relieved that I just have to accept it and just patiently wait for His plans for me.

A quick background on what's happening to me lately: I've been battling with my inner demons. The promise of positivity which I wanted to embrace this year slowly faded as I struggled. It was hard to keep up and repress all the negative thoughts and emotions. I knew that it was taking its toll on me, and it was apparent through my mood swings, and on how my anger can be easily triggered.

My ordeals frequently happened during my quiet time. I often found myself asking, "Am I enough? Am I giving more than I should? Is this still worth it?"

I felt exhausted and frustrated every single day. But I didn't want it to show. I had to restrain myself. I wasn't sure if what I'm experiencing was already the so-called quarter-life crisis. But there was a part of me that repeatedly disagreed.

Anyway, there was a line from service earlier that I will never forget: "The trouble with some people who give until it hurts, is that they are so sensitive to pain."

Today's realization is that I have to fix this issue and that I have to give cheerfully, voluntarily, expectantly, and of course, generously.

For years, I already practiced seeing things in a more positive perspective but I just have to think with a stronger mind set.

We reap what we sow but sometimes it's just a matter of waiting, giving more than you should without hesitations, having the right motives, and for the purpose of doing good.

I'm just really talking to myself but I hope you'll get something from my learnings.

Love lots, xx

Style Reader